Pages

Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Behind the Door Writing test (Jack and Jill)

Jack and Jill
Behind the Door
Old_double_doors.jpg
Image Attribution: By Dennis Brown (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC BY-SA 3.0 `-8(http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
One day there was a girl and a boy named Jack and Jill. They were just strolling down a secret path they go to to get some air in beaverly hills.


Then Jill said “hey Jack what’s that” Jack said “ehh it's just that weird old lady”. Then they saw that exact same house but closer the another 5 min past then they saw the house again but right there. Jill said “I have a bad feeling about this”.


Then jack said “hey Jill Do u See that door?!?” “yeah do u see that same old lady”Said Jill “RUUNNN!!” said jack they ran back home. Then they went back at night time Jill said “lets go in the door” then jack said “did u see that woman she was wearing full black and pale and it looked like she was floating”. Than Jill said “wait do we even know that she a human”. Knowing that it could be the end of their life or a whole new life what was BEHIND THE DOOR…..

2 comments:

  1. Hi there, my name is Noah and I am a student in room 14 at May road school. I really like your grammar it is good but next time remember
    to re-read your story If you would like to see my learning, my blog is http://mrsnoaht.blogspot.co.nz/.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kia ora Bobby-Jon!

    I really enjoyed your story. I can see you tried really hard on your punctuation, and like Noah said, it might help if you read your story again to see if it sounds right. But honestly I kind of understood where you were going with this story, so as a concept I think it is brilliant! I have to wonder why they went back at night though.. did they forget something? Were they drawn to the danger?

    Anyways! You don't know me yet, but I'm Mark, a teacher working for the Summer Learning Journey. I hope you've been enjoying your holidays! But I also hope you're not getting bored. I'm sure you remember, but you signed up for the Summer Learning Journey programme at the end of term. I'm here to remind you that you can join in with your classmates anytime. I check all the blogs regularly and comment as much as I can.

    The Summer Learning Journey these holidays is all about travel and other cultures. It has heaps of different activities to do, and there are lots of students already participating. Some of the best things about the programme is that you can choose the activities you want to do, when you want to do them, and the points you earn from blogging and commenting can help you win prizes. There are also travelers, locals, and teachers commenting on everyone's blogs.

    I hope to see you online soon, but of course if you decide not to, then I wish you all the best for next year. Make sure you visit a library during the break so you can keep your mind sharp! Video games and running around are all good, but if you don't feed the wolf (your brain) then it becomes weak.

    Kia kaha! Feed the wolf!

    Mark

    ReplyDelete